Biden Campaign, DNC Told by Lincoln Museum to stop Using Former President’s Likeness for Fundraising (satire)

“We heard last week that the DNC and the Joe Biden campaign were selling commemorative pennies with the former President’s likeness on them,” Lincoln Presidential Trust and Museum’s Martha Washington, Chief Bottle Washer told in an email on Sunday afternoon.  “The Lincoln Museum owns the name, image, and likeness of President Lincoln and his image was placed on the coin without our consent!”  President Lincoln, better known as “16” was said to be indisposed and not available for comment.

Ms. Washington reports that she contacted the Biden Campaign to express her dismay at the appropriation of the former President’s likeness and asked them to cease and desist with the whole thing, and they agreed.  “After all, not only was Abe a Republican, but there was that whole hair-smelling episode between Joe and Lincoln’s wife Mary!” Mary Todd Lincoln was subjected to some significant media blowback for excessive spending, and it is likely that additional negative media attention by having her husband’s likeness on a campaign coin would not help her cause.  The coins were to have candidate Biden’s likeness on one side and President Lincoln’s on the other, inscribed with the words “Two Heads are Better Than One” in honor of National Brain Aneurysm Awareness Month, this coming September. The Biden campaign had hoped to sell the pennies for $100 each, with 25% of the profits going to the Hunter Biden Aneurysm Clinic in Delaware.

Ms. Washington also shared with LemmingJuice that the Lincoln Museum Trustees were looking into whether or not attorneys would be engaged to discuss the matter with Biden further.

Presidential hopeful Joe Biden initially responded to questions by saying. “When Black Lives Matter started protesting, peacefully, at Ford’s Theater, when the stock market crashed, I mean, Lincoln got on the television and didn’t just talk about the, you know, the four scores and….”  Biden was abruptly interrupted by his campaign manager who referred LemmingJuice to the DNC.

DNC spokesperson for the Biden election campaign, Betsy DeRoss, expressed surprise at the Lincoln Museum’s reluctance to be tied to the Biden campaign.  “President Lincoln was a proud supporter of pennies for the underserved and as a world class political legend, we felt strongly about the appropriateness of aligning his legacy with Biden’s.  We had a whole photo shoot planned at the Jefferson Memorial and now that’s all thrown out the window!”

“Given that Joe said he spoke with Abe just a few days ago, the Museum’s objection came as a real surprise,” DeRoss remarked. “We’ll have to go with plan B.”

Sources very close to Biden’s contacts just outside the Portland Federal Court House have reported that ‘Plan B’ for the media campaign is to tap into the celebrity power of Julia ‘Veep’ Louis-Dreyfus.  In a brief interview with Louis-Dreyfus she responded by first exclaiming “Get! OUT!” followed by “yah, well I knew that, after all we DID walk the White House together.  Being a Vice President – Isn’t that a bitch!”

DNC reports, that if Louis-Dreyfus falls through for any reason, they plan to reach out to actor James Woods who has used the word “Biden” more times on Twitter than any other American celebrity.  Additionally, Woods’ success playing the role of H. R. Haldeman in Oliver Stone’s 1995 film, Nixon, should make him uniquely suited to support the campaign.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s