Business Insider Unintelligence
Aaron Holmes thinks you don’t have enough brainpower to crack an egg, much less actually read the article he wrote on May 22, 2020 for Business Insider Intelligence (BII). The article is titled “Roughly half the Twitter accounts pushing to ‘reopen America’ are bots, researchers found.” (click here to read the article) The collective response by those advocating for the continued crippling of our economic machinery was a chorus of pig squeals of delight at their good fortune. It is definitive proof that our government officials’ belfries are full of rabid bats (as they secretly cavort in hidden boiler rooms with an aging prostitute on one arm and a member of the Russian Federation on the other, crafting automated tweets that mimic the Mervyn’s Super Sale “Open, open, open” commercial from the early 90s.) “Ah ha,” says the ‘keep-it-closed’ lobby, “caught you in the act!”
Faster than the time it takes to Sharpie a cardboard protest sign, the article link was posted, reposted, and posted again as ego-emotional validation that the “keep-it-closers” vote for their lesser of two evils in November is the right and holy decision. Afterall, using bots is a highly treasonous, impeachable behavior. Headlines tell us everything we need to know, right? Judge a book by its cover and undoubtedly you’ll be right.
So BII didn’t outright lie in their article (kudos to them), although the headline certainly verges on it. In the text of the article there are many sentences that should trigger even those with a modest IQ to raise an eyebrow, or grimace, or twitch uncontrollably. Professor Holmes condescendingly wrote, “[t]he researchers said they found that among tweets about ‘reopening America,’ 66% came from accounts that were possibly humans using bot assistants to spread their tweets more widely, while 34% came from bots.” Doesn’t take a brain surgeon to add 66% and 34% and respond with “uh, 0% of the reopening tweets were posted by real people not using bots?” Oh that’s a very big “possibly” in that sentence. Does he think we are all idiots, or just enough of us to change the political outcomes?
For those who bothered to read the entire article, it is clear that the number of ‘bots’ is about as unambiguous as the horizon in a hurricane – our ability to differentiate between a bot and a human is ultimately saturated with guesswork (the clarity of a Captcha doesn’t apply in this case). More importantly, though, nowhere in the article did the omnipotent Mr. Holmes say that the bots were on one particular side of the widespread discussion about whether or not to reopen, despite the headline clearly stating that they were “pushing to reopen America.” Wait, what? A good percentage of people who were already of a mindset that reopening is a bad idea, likely reposted the article anyway even after reading it. The real shame is the myriad of people who reposted without actually reading the article, but instead based solely on the inflammatory, misleading, and agenda-driven headline, furthering BII’s mission to foster their click-bait, single-minded, politically-correct narrative. Sadly, the proletariat is more comfortable being led by their nipple ring than thinking for themselves.
The Keep-it-closers and the Open-it-uppers both have multiple legitimate justifications for what they believe in, but to use Mr. Holmes’ article as substantiation for keeping it closed is lying to a gullible audience – wait, right, sadly that works – and it’s intentional.
BII should definitely keep the word Intelligence in their name. As those clever “reporters” snigger from behind their “Ew, David” masks and harrumph up their cuff-linked, Oxford sleeves at the stupidity of the general public, they know exactly what they are doing. One small, well-crafted inaccuracy can beautifully serve their agenda. Definitely smart – they are making money hand over fist (from your wallet), soiling their credibility, and taking it all to the bank!